The Ill-fated Essay

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Thank you for continuing to read my story. I hope you find it helpful in some way.

In my last post, I explained my reasons for wanting to move from Israel to attend university in the US. It’s so strange now to look back on my former dreams and compare them with where I am today. I am happy with my life and career, and it’s hard to even for me to believe that I once wanted to be some sort of famous performer.

Once I got to the university in the Midwest (I won’t name the state or university), I had to choose a course of study. I decided to pursue the performing arts, of course.

I still had to take all the general subjects, though. Math, biology, chemistry, literature… I didn’t see how I was going to use any of it once I was rich and famous.

But I have always been a bit of a perfectionist and knew I had to keep my grades up if I wanted to stay in school and have more opportunities.

I was very social and made lots of friends at the start of college. I went to parties all the time and got drunk with my girlfriends. I loved going to any type of show; theater, comedy, concerts, all of it. As much as I thought I wanted to perform, I really enjoyed watching others.

But I had to balance all this with attending class and homework, and it got overwhelming, especially when you consider that English isn’t my first language.

My drug use started one night when I was out drinking with my girlfriends, as usual, at a party in the dorms. It was already midnight, and I was well on my way to getting drunk when I suddenly remembered I had a huge essay due the next morning.

I panicked and told my friends about the essay. One of the girls told me not to worry about it and pulled a pill bottle out of her bag. She handed me two pills and told me to take them and go write my essay. When I asked her what it was, she said to think of it as caffeine but better. She said I’d be able to stay up all night and focus on my essay. I was hesitant because I’d never tried any drugs before other than alcohol, but I figured it was a prescription pill so it couldn’t be bad.

She was right; about thirty minutes after I washed the pills down with a glass of water I had a surge of energy and mental focus. I never went to sleep that night and easily finished my paper. Looking back, it probably wasn’t very good work, but it was better than getting a zero for the grade.

That was how I fell in love with stimulants.